Tips: 6 Tips For The Gift of Struggle

1. Ego Has No Place When Facing Hardship
While I resolved not to ask for help from friends and family, I had to recognize that my ego would not help me improve my situation. I could not be above any possible step that might help me get back on my feet. I went to the unemployment office, filed the necessary paperwork, and began the process of looking for work and enduring the weekly evaluation process to prove I was trying to find employment. 

Within days, as my meager savings declined, I applied for food stamps. As far as I knew, I was the only person in my peer group - recent college graduate, night-school MBA candidate - that was on food stamps. To say I was concerned about my situation and very frustrated is putting it mildly.

2. Fear Is a Powerful Motivator
Though not the healthiest of motivational strategies, fear has its place in all of our careers. The 6 months I spent on public assistance looking for work and expending all of my time and energy trying to get on my feet were terrifying. Unless you have experienced that situation you cannot understand the level of discomfort and fear that people endure navigating such circumstances.

However, I had some positive things going for me - I was young and relatively debt-free. I did not have a family or major financial responsibilities. Everything I owned fit into the back seat of a Nissan Sentra. It humbled me to realize how difficult and terrifying my situation would have been if I'd had kids and other larger financial obligations. I gained a newfound respect for those who spend some or most of their lives in similar situations, and I could suddenly understand the level of fear and doubt that economic hardship places on people and families. I vowed to do whatever was necessary to avoid returning to this situation, to avoid this condition. I vowed I would work any job, any place, any time to avoid experiencing that again.

The fear of returning to that situation is at the back of my mind every day, 20 years later. Healthy or not, it ensures I have the proper perspective and keeps me focused and working hard. It has taught me to try to delivery high value in my work every single day.

3. Nobody Cares How Smart You Are
Smart people are everywhere. Smart can open doors and get you a second look. But Smart alone isn't enough. Smart alone will not win the marathons that all careers present. People don't care how smart you are - people care that you can get things done. 

We all know smart people who can't stay employed or who bounce from job to job on a consistent basis. What I realized during my period of hardship is that I would need to deliver value every day. Success is as much about perseverance and humble confidence as it is about being smart.

4. You Can Tell Who a Person Is by How They Treat the Waitstaff
I waited tables to make ends meet. The added benefit of this work was that if I worked a double shift they fed me, which helped me tremendously. People sometimes assume waiting tables was a horrible experience. It was exactly the opposite. In fact, I am going to require each of my 3 children to wait tables for a while as teenagers or young adults.

Why? Because waiting tables teaches you how to treat people. Anyone who has ever waited tables understands that you are subjected to all manner of people and behavior. Most customers were pleasant and kind. Some were overly generous and giving. A small but persistent percentage were absolutely horrible. It is that small, horrible percentage that I thank for the experience. Thank you for teaching me that, while I was at my lowest point, while I was barely scraping by, that it was apparently perfectly acceptable to you to walk in and treat me like dirt for no reason whatsoever. Thank you for teaching me how never to treat another human being for the rest of my life.

5. People Don't Choose Hardship or Difficulty
The most searing and beneficial experience of this difficult period in my life was at a crowded grocery store one evening in Boston. I had spent 20 minutes or so shopping, I had about a half cart full of food items, and I got into line to checkout. After the teller rang up the food, and as I was helping to bag it, I pulled a stack of food stamps out of my pocket to pay for the groceries. 

Upon seeing the food stamps, the teller become agitated and began to pull items out of the bags, explaining to me that I could only purchase basic staples with food stamps - milk, bread, etc. Rather loudly, she began to deduct the items that she felt were not eligible while making a big scene out of my apparent attempt to defraud the system with luxury items such as potato chips and ice cream.

I cannot describe the humiliation I felt, standing in that crowded store, being chastised by that cashier. I was overwhelmed by shame and anger. I collected what was left of my groceries and slinked out of that store, changed forever.

Changed how? I vowed that night never to judge on appearance or preconceived notions. I learned that nobody wants to be in the situation I was in. Nobody chooses difficulty or hardship. I would never judge, look down upon, or treat another human being in that situation like that cashier had treated me. That teller was one of the most vile people I have ever had contact with and she had a hugely beneficial impact on me.

6. Treat High and Low Points The Same - They Are Both Temporary
If things are going well, fantastic. Enjoy it. But know you will be tested again. Stay humble and even keeled. Having a tough time? Tough quarter or year? Relax. This too shall pass. Stay focused, work hard and have confidence that things will turn for the better. Either way, your successes and challenges are temporary and will be followed by the other. It has never been written better than by Rudyard Kipling in his poem If, "If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same...."

Humility and grace will serve you well during good times and bad. They will also serve you well in the eyes of your peers. The most effective, likable people I know are those who are humble, observant of the world, and confident in their approach and their resolve. They lead from the front, share their knowledge freely, and encourage others during good times and bad. They deflect credit and absorb blame. They recognize that careers are long journeys with plenty of ups and downs, and it is how we handle ourselves during each that dictates our long-term success.

I am grateful for the early career difficulties I experienced - those struggles taught me how to work and to treat those around me. They taught me how to keep perspective and how to accept and adjust to the highs and lows that occur in every career. Embrace your struggles. Tell your story. Reach out to those who might be going through their own struggles and share what you have learned.