Sustainability In Service

Written by Chan Gin Kai.

For the good-hearted social champion, Murphy’s Law is hard at work every corner you turn and there’s only so much masochistic machismo can do for you. No amount of adrenaline coursing through your veins can solve the inefficiency you often find in third world countries. Sheer will power is insufficient to deal with corrupt officials. And you cannot possibly unleash your wrath at donors who make grand promises but are slow, or even fail to deliver. In the previous article, we looked at ways to find our dream, heroes and friends in order to find sustainability in serving others. Today, we explore ways to preserve our sanity when faced with the avalanche of emotions that often drown us as we serve.

Laugh
In From Singapore With Love, I recounted the story of a group of singers who traveled to the Eastern Visayas to boost the morale of the survivors of Typhoon Haiyan 2013. I only recounted the great impact the singers created. As part of the film crew that documented their journey, I also witnessed the difficulties they faced on that expedition. It was ground zero, with uncontrollable elements. 

Communications and coordination were poorly managed. Food and accommodations leave much to be desired. There were nauseous boat rides on stormy seas, long bumpy journeys rattling cars, and very little rest. For most of them, it was their first time in a disaster zone. Yet they held their own without complaining and made their best efforts to fulfill their mission.

Lesser people would have crumbled under the intense pressure. But they laughed. A lot. I remember with fondness the constant barrage of jokes and teasing on the endless journeys. They laughed at the dirty water that spilled out of their shower, at the cockroaches in the hall and rooms, and the miserly cup of instant noodles for dinner. Not all the jokes were funny, but they certainly lifted everyone’s spirit.

You just can’t help certain situations. There will be incompetence. There will be the ugliness of certain people. There will be situations beyond your control. But you can choose to laugh. Laughing at difficulties is always better than complaining about them. It does not make the problems any lighter, but it certainly makes you feel better.

Cry
Crying makes me weak, and weakness makes me inefficient. That’s what I’ve always believed, or at least, that’s how I’ve always deceived myself. The fact is I hate being vulnerable. On my first trip to a disaster zone, to Sri Lanka after the Asian Tsunami in 2004, I felt so helpless and I hated it. There was so much destruction and despair. It was heartbreaking to see the myriad of needs and realize I need to choose whom to help. How do you rescue a kid and deny another? How do you look a widow in the eye and tell her you’ve got nothing left for her?
Something changed in me that day. A steely resolve developed as I vowed to do the best that I can for people in need. But along with that grew an impenetrable wall... I don’t ever want to feel so helpless again. I want to be effective and efficient, and I can’t afford to break down.

In the years that followed, I developed an awkward feeling on all of my philanthropic expeditions. We built a water tank for a school in Lombok and I crept away during the BBQ celebration. I visited a hospice for HIV positive infants and refused to carry the babies. I built a house in Sichuan but opted out of most group pictures. I was eager to devote my heart, soul and mind to serving people, but I was hesitant to risk my heart. I was afraid of becoming vulnerable again. What if I commit my heart only to have it broken by my own limitations to help? What if they need more than I can provide and I have to deny them? I don’t want to cry again.

Nine years after the Asian Tsunami, I found myself in another disaster zone after Typhoon Haiyan. The scenes of destruction were heart wrenching. As the singers prepared their songs for the first concert, I started filming the crowd, diverse people from myriad walks of life who wore the same expression on their faces: despondency. When the singers started their songs, the change in the mood of the crowd was palpable. Feet started tapping and fingers started snapping. When Neil, a dashing young singer strummed his guitar as he crooned “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling, the crowd got up on their feet and started clapping and swaying to the song. I looked into the eyes of a wrinkled old man and noticed tears, his despair for that moment faded away. And tears started flowing uncontrollably from my own eyes. I tried wiping them away furiously, but a moment later, I started embracing them.

I had resisted crying for so many years. Because I didn’t want to be overwhelmed by the despair of the people I help, I had become unable to share their tears of joy. The same resolve to resist vulnerability also hardened my heart towards a sense of victory. I cried so much during that song and it was the best feeling I’ve felt in years.

Celebrate
We were told there would be a ceremony to “launch” the 100 toilets we built for the community. They would put up a huge tent, banners and streamers. They would have two lines of clapping school children flanking the entire path to the village, to welcome us. There would be seats of honor for us, the VIPs. They wanted us to make speeches and have the whole village in attendance, cheering and clapping for us. When we heard their plans, we felt so embarrassed. We simply wanted to serve and didn’t desire to be treated like heroes. We explained we didn’t do it for the honor and tried to dissuade them from their plans, until one of them explained to us the importance of the celebration...

For the very poor and disadvantaged, there is so much pain in their life and so little cause to celebrate. Any chance to celebrate is a rare and much-needed glorious victory for them. They have been ostracized and marginalized, with very few people to care for them. Rejecting their desire to honor us will make them feel like we’re rejecting or even despising their efforts to reciprocate. That explanation hit me like a sack of bricks. I’ve served in various projects in different parts of the world but failed to really understand the psyche of the people... they need heroes. They want heroes. The downtrodden needs a beacon of light and a glimmer of hope. More than the sacks of rice we provide and the toilets we built, they want to see and believe in a face that shows concern.

And that day, we celebrated. The smiles on all of their faces, when they could see their heroes, will forever be etched in my mind. I felt so honored and humbled at the same time.

Laugh, Cry, Celebrate. These are some very basic human emotions, and sometimes, we become too stoic to relish in these feelings. Laughing is deemed by some to be silly, crying to be weak, and celebrating to be arrogant. Learn to let loose and enjoy these feelings.